Lasagna Massacre

So John wanted lasagna last night, and since I've never made it, I figured I would give it a try. In between doing the laundry on the dryer cycle at the laundromat I power walk to Star Market and back with all my groceries and spent WAY too much on ingredients...only because I didn't even have the basics in my house, like pepper! I lugged up 2 60lb suitcases of clean clothes and groceries up 3 flights of stairs.

I made my own ricotta with black pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, parmesan cheese, I made a hamburg meat sauce, I cooked sweet italian sausage and cut it up nice and thin and into quarters and made layers in between. I made sure there wasn't too much ricotta per noodle...

I guessed on how high the oven should be, how long it should be in...I 'felt' my cooking....

I just KNEW it was going to be perfect.

And it WAS!!!! Honestly, I don't think I made anything this good in my life. John was so absolutely impressed, he thought Dad made it and brought it over...

We had one slice each. And it was perfection.

I decided to cover it up immediately, stack two cookie sheets WITH JUST BAKED COOKIES on top and set it on the stove. I fell asleep with a nice full tummy, looking forward to our lasagna left over's for lunch!

I wake up @ 7am, to hear the dog standing on her hind legs and moving tin foil... GREAT, I thought, she's eating the cookies!! Its the only chocolate thing I have in the house for my time of the month!

So I run out into the kitchen and she cowers away, to find she didn't touch the cookies...

...she moved TWO COOKIE SHEETS wrapped in aluminum foil, moved a pile of garlic breadsticks I made with the meal wrapped in aluminum foil on TOP of my lasagna..

....and then I looked in the the lasagna pan....that bitch ate the WHOLE thing. Out of 9 slices, John and I had 1 each, and she at 7 pieces by herself.

Now, here at 7:30am...she is in a deep food coma at my feet. Farting and burping like she just devoured her last meal before the firing squad. And she doesn't care she's in big trouble. I can see her stuffed belly moving with a mound of lasagna, mocking me. She's taking her lasagna nap.

I had planned on giving some to Dad, giving some to Mom so they KNOW I made an excellent meal, because lets face it...I'm not a very good cook.

And now, my evidence is GONE! Gone forever....and I may never reproduce it again. Cooking for me isn't about have the ability and training to make a good meal...Cooking to me is a craps shoot. Who knows when I'll get lucky again....

: (

Consumer Report

Dez’s Consumer Report

Ok...here are a few products tried and true. What works, what doesnt.

Secrent Clinical Strength deodorant: I love it. It's expensive at $9.99 a pop at CVS, but its totally worth it. It stays on even after showers. I never had a sweating problem, but when the AC broke at work I knew I was in trouble. I'm stinky. I use to ride my bike to work in 90 degree weather in the summer and I use to smell to the high heavens. This stuff ROCKS. I never smelled like a 14yr old boy again.

Arm and Hammer Advance White, Gel And Mouthwash. Guarantees 3 shades whiter. and it WORKS. Here's the trick....brush your teeth...and don't drink coffee. I'm sure it was just the not drinking coffee that did the trick BUT, i'm sure this toothpaste helped and BAAM a wonderful CONFIDENT smile. Now I can wear yellow shirts and not worry it matches my teeth.

LOVE it. Comes in waterproof to, and MAN does that shit stay on. I like the non water proof it doesn't run when you cry, and way easy to take off. Sorry emo kids, this mascara is not for you. Or Bret Michaels.

YES it works. Works best for strappy sandals and such. I do not recommend this for breaking in sneakers or boots. It helps when the area can get air, otherwise the more you sweat the less it works. This was ALWAYS in my bag for the summer.

They should call it 11 hour energy drink. If you know me at all, you know I am an energy drink junkie, I have to be in my line of business...brown nosing. Why just today I felt like I weighed 400lbs and was in Vegas on a 5 day coke binge..work was not on my agenda today. I knew this little bottle of passion was waiting for me at 7/11. Comes in Lemon Lime and Berry. I've only had Berry. Yes it's gross at first, tastes like Red Bull with rusty pennies. No jiitters, no crash, all though you do get the Niacin rush to your face, and you do a lil wiggle after you down it. But it's liquid crack. One per day please.

MORE to come...I promise