Life After College...

It's taken me 8 years to graduate college. Working full time and going to school full/part time. I've got experience. I've got pizazz, I've got what you NEED from an employee! Whatchu got for me?

$10 an hour?

Seriously?

Part time, no benefits?

Ah crap.

Sure, we all know the state of the economy. It was just that I set myself up for disappointment. I figured, when I graduated college, allll these doors will open for me. What I found out is.....the jobs I could apply for right out of highschool (secretary, admin etc) were now only available to college graduates. So....I'm applying to the SAME jobs I applied for 8 years ago as a highschool student.

I'm not disappointed in getting my degree. It was a long, hard and bumpy road. I'm proud of myself. But good god.

I started applying for jobs in March, when my part time job decided it was going out of business. I got another part time job in accounting, something I LOOOOOATHE and couldn't want less in my life. But as my insurance runs out, and the student loans start rolling in, I know I gotta find a job that I can make more than $95 per week.

Since April, I have applied to dozens and dozens of jobs. I'm talking....WELL over 40. That may not sound like a high number. But when tailoring cover letters and adjusting resumes to each prospective employer, it's exhausting.

As graduation nears, 2 weeks to be exact, I wonder if I will ever find a job among millions of college grads all applying for probably the same things....

*sigh*

Public Do's and Don'ts...

You've seen it. You've cringed. You've wanted to say "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm girl, why did you get dressed in the dark this morning!!?"


But this blog is dedicated to all things "Oh no she didn't" and "Very nice, very nice". Fashion faux pas, inexcusable behavior, and just down right looney.


So, please enjoy. And make sure you're not on it!



#1. Dont: Being Oblivious to the World Around You.


The signs, not one, but TWO, are posted on either side of his head that say "No Cell Phones". Apparently, he must think it doesn't apply to him and just disrespecting the establishment, OR he is illiterate.

#2 Dont: Croc's N' Socks



NO. Unacceptable. Make up your mind. Ugly rubber duck bill feet with holes, or shoes. You may not wear socks with both. This crime is mostly committed in the turn of winter to summer months, when it is dewey and moist. This is the 2007 -2008 equivalent of Birks and socks. *shudders* Dear lord. Not only are men guilty of this catastrophe. Women are culprits as well!!!




#3 Dont: Out of Towner's Apparel



Tourists. They make this lovely city go-round. I'm not hate'n on you. But please, could you dress a little more than "Pajama Night at the VFW". Here, we have a fabulous cut off denim shirt WITH hood with track pants, and what you don't see is his socks and sandal ensemble. She, with her almost matching pink cotton t and red and black track pants. Ok, if you're going to the gym, I have no problem wearing the crappiest clothes you can find. But now is your chance to catch a glimpse of how city folk hang their ties. My advice, stop look'n at .99 cent souveniers and check out the swankies on their lunch break.








#4 DO: Knowing How to Be Cute Before It Gets Creepy.



CUTE! Now, being a twin myself, I appreciate the cutesy wootsy-ness of double vision. Not only are these chic children are both girls, they are at just the right age where it is still cute. Creepy is when you're 10-17yrs old and Mommy still dresses you. But then, on the other side of the bell curve, after 18, if you and your sister both dress in slutty matching outfits, it becomes not only cute, but hot.




#5 Dont: Flower Power= Yucky




ACK. Disaster. This did not make me cheery, or gleeful. A stitched pleather nightmare. I won't get too insulting, because I have seen some amazingly ugly bags, I just happen to get this one with my camera. This is NOT a thin line between floral prints. What's hot and what's not, it's all very simple. Limit your color scheme to less than 2 primary colors. Big patterns of bigger girls, smaller patterns for smaller girls. No more than 1 floral pattern per out fit. Accented flowers on a broach or necklace is fine, stick to a solid and a pattern. But make sure your bag isn't louder than you are.



#6 Being Creepy on the Transit System


Now is not the time to wear ski masks when the entire country is on high alert for anyone with a beard or a backpack. And to mention, it wasn't even cold enough for a ski mask. The reason for masks? To preven wind burn on your face...not look like you're going to rob someone on the train. Get over it kid, you're still valet'n no matter what you've got on your face.





#7 DO: MAN-ICURES, All Men Welcomed to Grooming!

#7.5 DONT: MAN Behavior at a Nail Salon


Now I love when couples partake in one anothers hobbies, even for the sake of making the other happy. I love couples who get mani-pedi's together. But in this scenario, lets call him "Mario", is by himself. Getting a mani-pedi and talking on his cell phone, typing on his sidekick. Talk'n the talk to all the girls. Genius it is...to go to a nail salon to pick up the ladies. But then..he watches a cop start to ticket his rice rocket parked out front. And he jumps out of the massage chair with his little paper flip flops on and his painted toe nails to bitch at the cop who is citing him. Let me paint you a picture. A big townie guido shuffling in paper flip flops out side and wave'n his wet nails enough without smudging them, yelling at the cop not to give him a ticket on his kawaski. That was the last time I went to this nail salon.







Ok. So this concludes Public Do's and Don'ts. I'm sure there will be more to follow.










I wonder what my twin is doing. We should coordinate track suit outfits, crocs and socks and get out our giant flower bags. Ohhhhh goodie today is gonna ROCK.

Reality TV: ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

If you know me, you know I love reality TV. For others in my life, especially my fiance' HATES, hates hates the fact I watch reality TV. So this post is to discuss why I like it,and argue their side. Just the other day I had a friend tell me "Dez, WHY, why do you watch reality TV? You are such an intelligent girl, I expected better! Did you know you actually lose IQ points every time you watch it!?"

Ok, this statement is bogus. I am WICKED SMAHT.


But here is what I have compiled that reality TV is the anti-christ to my friends and family.


1. Just stupid young kids getting drunk and acting stupid
2. It teaches you nothing positive
3. Everything is a reality TV show, making any lame-ass a star
4. It makes viewers materialistic
5. There is nothing REAL about reality TV
6. The worst parts and behaviors of human being are embodied in these 'stars'
7. The scripts they follow are to degrade and humiliate them


So, I'm sure there is more to add to this list. But lets break down the definition of Reality TV. There are shows made for pure voyeurism, Real World, Road Rules, Big Brother, the Hills, Real Housewives of OC, Real Housewives of NY, The Two Corey's, My Fair Brady, Miami Ink, and LA Ink etc..... Yes, these shows are crazy stupid. And I will admit, I did watch SOME of them. And if there is nothing on besides Pokemon and Dr. Phil, I will flip one of these bad boys on. Why? Because nothing is better to me than realizing I have made some really good choices in my life by watching these people flush opportunities down the toilet. It's a little egotistical, yes, watching people make bad choices, whether scripted or not. But it teaches me that that life with cameras = bad choices squared. Fighting in a bar and getting arrested, taking naked pictures of myself and another female for my homophobic husband or divorcing my millionaire husband and go drinking with my 16yr old daughter in LA's hottest night clubs. But the main purpose = ENTERTAINMENT. Who says entertainment can't just be brain sludging half hours of ridiculous indulgence? What exactly is 'professional wrestling'? And as for the tattoo shows, it is something I identify with. my fiance' is a tattoo artist, I worked at a tattoo shop, all my friends are tattoo artists. It fun to see how other shops run. And this is = COMPARABLE IDENTIFICATION.


So, onto the next classification of Reality TV: Competitive Challenge /Game Shows Examples: Rock of Love 1 & 2, Real World/Road Rules Challenge Gauntlet, Flavor of Love, I Love New York, Charm School, Fear Factor, Big Brother, Survivor, Bachelor and Bachelorette..I can go on and on. These are shows that make stupid people do stupid things. Hilarious. Might as well be America's Funniest Home Videos. Eat bull penis, wrestle in baby-oil, actually have to TOUCH New York from Flavor of Love...but they all have a purpose. Win the 'love' of said celebrity, or win a hunk of cash. It's a 12-15 episode series of a Game shows, and sure drama unfolds, but that's just a bonus. But SOMEONE is going win, and you watch everyone squirm and perform ungodly acts of betrayal. Perhaps teaching you the warning signs of the money-hungry side of human behavior. Scary, yes, probably not best if watched by pessimistic human-haters (IE: "Everyone sucks, I hate all people". But it makes me value my friends who don't treat me this way. Not that I should be comparing these people to my friends, but there are some shady characters in the world, and if you notice some personality traits that you have observed on VH1, you report your sketchy BFF to Bret Michaels and let them get an STD. These types of reality shows are fun to get involved in. You root for your favorite player, Go Team Amber GO! But they get old reeeeealy quick. Like a Spin-off off a spin-off, off a spin-off, off a spin-off, off a spin-off,? Flavor of Love - Flavor of Love II - I Love New York- I Love New York II - That's Amore (with Domenico a reject from I Love NEW YORK II). Enough already! I get it!! View sparingly, you could hurt yourself.

FINALLY and more importantly the best category of reality TV= EDUCATIONAL VIEWING. Shows like The Dog Whisperer, Nanny 911, Intervention, Ghost Hunters, It's Me or the Dog, What not to Wear, Extreme Home Make-Over. I can, have and will continue to watch these shows till I die. Or until they stop showing them. Training your dog, dressing properly, tips on child behavior modification, giving poor people brand new houses!!? C'MON!!!! How does this lower my IQ? No offense, but not all my friends are experts in these categories, so there is only so much you can learn, and why not via TV? I don't want to read all the damn time about things that may not interest me enough to invest in a $200 book! Seeing it in action, watching what seems to me pretty valid and realistic human reactions. Intervention is the only show on the face of the planet that makes me tear up! Watching people make the right choice, some succeed, some don't, some even die. But people agree to be documented. And in this type of series, how is this different from other documentaries? Controversial, duh, but educational. Perhaps giving others the confidence to confront people that may be hurting themselves. Also, comparable identification. As well as the Dr. Drew Celebrity Addiction show. I feel it gave reality shows a bad rep. Sure these were famous people but they were struggling to very REAL situations.


Soooooooo in conclusion. 3 classifications of Reality TV:

1. Pure Voyeurism
2. Competitive Challenge / Game Shows
3. Educational Viewing


My take on reality TV is this: Why the bad rep? Watching TV is watching tv. Reality or Not. Not good for you no matter how long you watch it. Is the arguement of being dedicated to a specific show, like HOUSE, you are drawn in by character development, and you can't wait to see next weeks episode? Like Sex and the City (one of my top shows, if not #1) you think that life style is realistic? It is a fantasy of all 20-50 something ladies in love with the characters. You think X-Files is reaching you something any different than the Dog Whisperer? Or CSI: Miami any better than Rock of Love? Probably not. Main point, it's just television programming. But if 'reality' is already claimed to be fake, then how different is it from a scripted series?


And there are certaintly different levels of adoration. I prefer to stick to the education stuff, very specific game challenges, and the occasional voyeurism project. Is reality TV the idiots version of reading? No. I read much more often then I watch reality TV. I'm not an idiot, I just love my guilty pleasure. And it's better than polishing off another pint of Ben and Jerry's.


So, for the future, if we happen to be channel surfing together, keep your comments to yourself about "Oh Dez, I bet you'd love to see this girl beat up that one and wrestle in the mud for a million dollars" No. I don't. I am a responsible mutual TV watcher, and I respect others who watch TV with me. We can find something to watch together. Just keep your comments to yourself, and I will enjoy my filthy dirty habit of reality television in the privacy of my lonesome time...and then you take me to Intervention and ask me to go to 'Reality TV Rehab'....



Thanks :)




Next Week on..."I LOOOOOVE Dez" : Her boyfriend throws the TV out the window and Dez has a seizure due to reality TV withdrawals, what is her fate? Will she ever teach her dog how to fetch? Will she ever know how to change a diaper? Will she ever get her chance with Bret???

Vegan = FAIL

UPDATE: July 13th

Not only did I not make it an ENTIRE week, I didn't even pick it up again! I went to NYC to visit my Maid of Honor, who NOW may be demoted to Flower Girl since she forced me to eat meat. She said, and I quote "Why are you vegan the week you decide to visit me!? No, not happening, I'm going to crack you and make you eat meat" And the biatch got me. She liquored me up and took me to a her bf's house party. I'm having a grand ole time, my judgement skills have been tampered with, and she brings me a plate of chicken wings. Without even realizing that CHICKEN WINGS = meat, I tear into those suckers like they were piles of money. And she stands back and cackles as she has finally captured my vegan soul and brought me back to the dark side...followed by "I told you so".

So, much to my shagrin, everyone who said "I told you so" was correct, that I could not go vegan. BUT, since I'm stubborn as an ox, I'm sure I'll try it again. And Vegan is something that dedicated individuals who hate life and tasty treats such as dead chicken limbs covered in hot sauce can actually put this life style into affect. I, on the other hand, cannot. But vegetarian sounds something I could totally do. And for the most part, I stick to fruits and veggies, with the exception of my 4th of July BBQ with burgers and hot dogs...mmmmmdead-cow-patties....*drool*

And as for that book Skinny Bitch, I'm starting to doubt more and more. It says you shouldn't eat breakfast until you actually hungry, and there are no scientific studies that prove you have to eat breakfast in order to lose weight. And for me, I can usually go without breakfast and then I get hungry around 1-2pm.

But, as the ER Dr. informed me when I wound up passing out at work because I honest-to-god forgot to eat (none of this anorexic crap, you've seen my booty, this girl does not starve herself for fun)he told me if you stop eating around 9pm at night, then you go to sleep, wake up at 9am, that's 12 hours of not eating. Then you wait till 2pm to finally eat, that it 5 more hours. So you are going 17 hours straight without eating, which is terrible for your metabolism and might as well be stuffing your face with twinkies and McDonalds because it is no better for you.

So, it is no easy task to go from a negligent-meal-skipper workaholic to a healthy soy-bean love'n veggie head. So I've decided to do the responsible thing. Eat what I want, in moderation of course, and work out...every....single....day...... And you know what, since I've quit my work-aholic enabling job, I've had the time and energy to work out, every single day. And even better...I've already lost 10lbs. By still eating what I want and then making sure I sweat for at least 45 minutes. It's much easier than saying good bye to bread, cheese and more importantly...chicken wings. But don't forget your fruits and veggies, they really are your energy source! Reducing my stress has stabilized my cortisol levels, and has helped me make smart choices about food. I have also cut out Starbucks, not just good for the thighs, but good on the WALLET. I still love it, and maybe 2 times a month I'll get it. That includes Dunkins'!

And I totally cheat with my favorite product on the market. A study will probably come out soon and tell me it causes cancer, but as of right now, I use it if I just don't have it in me to get up and work out. 5-Hour energy. It never once has made me crash, and it's just 200% of your daily supply of vitamins. Has a small amount of caffiene and no guarana or aspartime. Use it sparingly, they sell it at CVS and 7-11 and just about every where. And FYI, I don't have a gym membership. I just run around and play outside or go for a bike ride, so save your money if you can! I recommend a stability ball, 20 bucks at city sports, AMAZING to stretch out sore backs in the morning! And a yoga mat and free on demand yoga on comcast!

The Journey to Vegan-hood.

Meat. I love it. It is a staple in my diet. Along with Mac and Cheese, all things fried, all cheeses, eggs, white bread and buffalo shrimp. Wow. Sounds healthy right?

I tried to sneak in some veggies, more fruit than anything. But I am constantly bloated, lethargic and moody. SO, I picked up the book 'Skinny Bitch'. New york best sellers list. It is a harsh tough-love guide to "chunky ass girls" who want to be skinny. Wait, chunky ass? That's me! That's me!

I figured this book could give me the reality check I need. The main mantra of the book is "you can't shovel the same crap into your mouth and expect to get skinny". Hmm. Interesting. Sounds like something I could do.

Then the real fun stuff starts. They got me hooked with their angry lesson plans, scientific chemical body reactions to harsh additives and can-do attitude in the first 2 chapters. Then, all of a sudden they tell me I have to go VEGAN if I want to really be healthy in Chapter 3! SAY WHAT skinny bitches? The rest of the book proceeds to ramble on and on about cruel conditions of slaughter houses, in very graphic detail. It this turns my stomach MORE than watching a video of it, which I later did to solidify my decision of going veggie.

To me, vegetarian rules are MUCH easier to follow than my own "eating healthy" regimen (which I usually try to convince myself Kraft Mac and Cheese is really a delicacy, and should be devoured daily). VEGAN, on the other hand, is NO animal by-product. So I did a mental scan of my diet staples. Meat, egg, cheese, either packaged, fried or in large quantities. I don't have a problem with portion control, I have a problem with multiple portions...

It's easier to trick my brain into thinking Meat Cheese and Egg are repulsive rather than trying to eat these items in moderation. All or nothing, I'm a little stubborn that way. I know myself, 25 years of 'junk food moderation monitoring' OBVIOUSLY doesn't work. So, I am going to try this vegetarian to vegan lifestyle for a change. That way, the only things I CAN eat are already healthy for me. Vegan pastries etc, as a fellow veggie/semi-vegan has informed me, are extremely delicious and can make you a chunky butt. I guess I still must learn how to monitor, no matter what, huh?

DAY ONE
So, day one begins, vegetarian style. Whole wheat bagel, 80 oz's of water, almond spring salad for lunch. I meat up with my man at a bar, I order a garden salad and water, and he gives me a funny look. End of the day, I feel alright. Go to sleep.


Day Two
Vegan experiment: Wake up more tired then I've ever been. Could be any list of reasons. Fresh fruit and a soy green tea latte for breakfast, salad for lunch, Roberts American Organic spinach and kale rice puff snack, apples, oranges, grapes, snack on some celery and carrots. For dinner I eat a moderately disgusting "Texas Style" veggie burger, with a side of steamed veggies. Snack is a soy ice cream sandwich. Around 10pm, I am beyond nauseous. Too much soy for one day...The book said this would happen. Nausea when you stop eating junk food. Like an addiction, I quit junk food cold turkey......mmmmm, cold turkey. WAIT. Stop it. No turkey. I'm having withdrawal, just no cravings. Not bad.

Day Three
Go back to vegetarian: I wake up extremely energentic and ready for my calculus exam. I prepare some organic wheat pasta, asian veggies and organic mushroom marinara. I am clear and level headed, and I do very well. Eat my fresh fruit and type out this blog. I have a jump in my step but still, my belly hurts...

Stay tuned for updates!

Lasagna Massacre

So John wanted lasagna last night, and since I've never made it, I figured I would give it a try. In between doing the laundry on the dryer cycle at the laundromat I power walk to Star Market and back with all my groceries and spent WAY too much on ingredients...only because I didn't even have the basics in my house, like pepper! I lugged up 2 60lb suitcases of clean clothes and groceries up 3 flights of stairs.

I made my own ricotta with black pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, parmesan cheese, I made a hamburg meat sauce, I cooked sweet italian sausage and cut it up nice and thin and into quarters and made layers in between. I made sure there wasn't too much ricotta per noodle...

I guessed on how high the oven should be, how long it should be in...I 'felt' my cooking....

I just KNEW it was going to be perfect.

And it WAS!!!! Honestly, I don't think I made anything this good in my life. John was so absolutely impressed, he thought Dad made it and brought it over...

We had one slice each. And it was perfection.

I decided to cover it up immediately, stack two cookie sheets WITH JUST BAKED COOKIES on top and set it on the stove. I fell asleep with a nice full tummy, looking forward to our lasagna left over's for lunch!

I wake up @ 7am, to hear the dog standing on her hind legs and moving tin foil... GREAT, I thought, she's eating the cookies!! Its the only chocolate thing I have in the house for my time of the month!

So I run out into the kitchen and she cowers away, to find she didn't touch the cookies...

...she moved TWO COOKIE SHEETS wrapped in aluminum foil, moved a pile of garlic breadsticks I made with the meal wrapped in aluminum foil on TOP of my lasagna..

....and then I looked in the the lasagna pan....that bitch ate the WHOLE thing. Out of 9 slices, John and I had 1 each, and she at 7 pieces by herself.

Now, here at 7:30am...she is in a deep food coma at my feet. Farting and burping like she just devoured her last meal before the firing squad. And she doesn't care she's in big trouble. I can see her stuffed belly moving with a mound of lasagna, mocking me. She's taking her lasagna nap.

I had planned on giving some to Dad, giving some to Mom so they KNOW I made an excellent meal, because lets face it...I'm not a very good cook.

And now, my evidence is GONE! Gone forever....and I may never reproduce it again. Cooking for me isn't about have the ability and training to make a good meal...Cooking to me is a craps shoot. Who knows when I'll get lucky again....

: (

Consumer Report

Dez’s Consumer Report

Ok...here are a few products tried and true. What works, what doesnt.

Secrent Clinical Strength deodorant: I love it. It's expensive at $9.99 a pop at CVS, but its totally worth it. It stays on even after showers. I never had a sweating problem, but when the AC broke at work I knew I was in trouble. I'm stinky. I use to ride my bike to work in 90 degree weather in the summer and I use to smell to the high heavens. This stuff ROCKS. I never smelled like a 14yr old boy again.

Arm and Hammer Advance White, Gel And Mouthwash. Guarantees 3 shades whiter. and it WORKS. Here's the trick....brush your teeth...and don't drink coffee. I'm sure it was just the not drinking coffee that did the trick BUT, i'm sure this toothpaste helped and BAAM a wonderful CONFIDENT smile. Now I can wear yellow shirts and not worry it matches my teeth.

LOVE it. Comes in waterproof to, and MAN does that shit stay on. I like the non water proof it doesn't run when you cry, and way easy to take off. Sorry emo kids, this mascara is not for you. Or Bret Michaels.

YES it works. Works best for strappy sandals and such. I do not recommend this for breaking in sneakers or boots. It helps when the area can get air, otherwise the more you sweat the less it works. This was ALWAYS in my bag for the summer.

They should call it 11 hour energy drink. If you know me at all, you know I am an energy drink junkie, I have to be in my line of business...brown nosing. Why just today I felt like I weighed 400lbs and was in Vegas on a 5 day coke binge..work was not on my agenda today. I knew this little bottle of passion was waiting for me at 7/11. Comes in Lemon Lime and Berry. I've only had Berry. Yes it's gross at first, tastes like Red Bull with rusty pennies. No jiitters, no crash, all though you do get the Niacin rush to your face, and you do a lil wiggle after you down it. But it's liquid crack. One per day please.

MORE to come...I promise